What a nice day for dicks

I need to see every DMMd boy on a sybian. If I don’t see it soon I may perish.

chickenkeeping:

noivern:

carbisari:

blanketflowerbees:

tbh???? chickens are the best pets??

they

• wag their tails (yes!!! like dogs!!!! they do it when they are exited or happy)
• love eating treats and love whenever you pretend to peck things
• get very attached to certain ppl, will think ur their mom
• run around like dinosaurs??????? i don’t know if this is just my chickens but they are very dramatic when they run??
• make VERY weird noises,,, like honking, purring, clucking, and peeping (soft peeping, they still think they are baby chicks)
• will give you lots of pretty feathers 
• eat bugs
• you can pet them, v soft
• like a tiny pet dinosaur

@noivern

additions:

• if u raise them from small (or sometimes just anyway) you are Forever Mum and they will jump up on ur back and go to sleep
  
• and preen you, rearrange your clothes and hair sometimes
  
• dont like dealing with spiders in house? go outside. pick up chicken. hold chicken in vicinity of spider. spider vacuumed up in about 0.3 seconds.
• make amusing Warning Noise when a Bad Bird goes overhead. sometimes this is something sensible like a raptor. sometimes it is a startling blackbird, or maybe nothing (maybe chickens can see extradimensional birds? unsure)
• when chicken mama has babby chicken and they get in her feathers and poke their heads out
• rooster is Very Protective but also thinks that maybe anything that peeps is Potential Flock Babies. has been known to bring food for goslings and ducklings
• actually roosters in general are very cute. find food and go beep beep beep so ladies can find it. if you give him a nice treat he wont eat it and will go find a lady to give it to.

ive been blessed

I can confirm this is all very accurate. I have a chicken that I’ve raised since she was just a cute lil egg, and because I was the first face she ever saw, she’s imprinted on me and sees me as forever Mama UwU We let her roam the house for about 2 and a half months as she was growing, and soon she started following me wherever I went. I even took her to the grocery store once (and someone told the manager, but he enjoyed watching her peck at my grocery bag with treats for her) Now she’s outside in the coop with all of her superiors, and whenever I go out to check for eggs I’ll spend a few minutes petting her while she coos for me :’)

IF A CREEP WANTS YOUR NUMBER

jay-jinxed-me:

tomysshadow:

sirchubbybunny:

jdeko:

waka-the-gods-gift-to-man:

leolion98:

kittensinsocks24:

A series of fake numbers to leave behind.

1-888-447-5594 - Easter egg number for finishing God of War, contains a dramatic speech. Personal favorite.

605-475-6968 - Rejection hotline, politely explains that whoever gave you this number turned ya down, buddy

888-276-6760 - The 24-hour Klu Klux Klanline where you can get a FREE INFORMATION BOOKLET!!!!1!

866-740-4531 - Only responds with “I am Groot”

206-569-5829 - Seattle radio station “Loser Line”. If they leave a weird voicemail, it could get broadcast over the airwaves.

Stay safe, people.

Don’t forget about 515-808-2362, the number that rings and then plays the John Cena thing.

309-889-0497 plays the evangelation theme

Evangelation

There’s also 855-523-9386 which will respond to the caller with a robot beat boxing Korn’s “Freak on a Leash”.

Who knew so many weird almost useless phone numbers existed?

This is wonderful